So I’m not going to bed right now, even though I should because I have a massive headache I have had a lot on my mind lately so I’m going to spill my guys in cyberspace and not care two cents about it. I apologize in advance for a lack of coherence and also for the lack of literary quality. This piece is venting, pure and simple. I don’t care how many cliches or ‘to be’ verbs I include. I want to feel better.

1. December 5th, 1914: The day my Great-Grandma was born. December 5, 2007: Her second birthday in heaven. I’m sure she’s eating her homemade rice crispy treats with my great-grandfather and relaxing after seeing all of her family. Images like that make me so excited for heaven. Last year today I was at the goo goo dolls concert, crying and having the time of my life. this year, i’m just taking it easy and praying a lot, taking time to myself, and reflecting. Life calls for that every now and again. Gosh, I miss her though. Her laugh and her smile, a smile that could take your breath away and turn the coldest heart into a loving one. She used to say ‘hola abuela’ and giggle like a little girl. Building her puzzles and baking kept her pretty busy during the day and so did making those crafts she made. I remember going over on Saturdays, playing cards, building puzzles, eating peanut butter and jelly on crackers with milk out of those pink plastic cups on her seasonal plastic table cloths. the container with all the candy and cookies in it, that stove, her chair where she would always sit, and one for me, gram, and alicia too. the yellow and white tiny tiled floor, and that cellar which was always scary. the blue bathroom with the knicknacks. the hallway with the tools…upstairs her old bedroom, the sweeper, aunt libby’s room, so cute, the living room. christmas, her rocking chair, those glass figurines (the only mementos i have of her) all of those games, played with kayla and alicia, adam, and nate, aunt libby’s rocking chair, so much, so much beauty and history, memories and those little moments that make you choke up. She was my granny. My favorite. My only one. She’s wear I get my smile from and I wear for her, always.

2. Christmas gift Ideas! With no boyfriend to expect great homemade gifts from, I thought it might be fun to just brainstorm a list of them and maybe make them for my friends or tell them to my guy friends to impress their special girl.
hmm….
well, one of my favorite things to do is wear guys clothes. So give me some of your stuff, you know, a shirt sprayed with your cologne that you wear all the time. Wrap a pretty ring up inside it and give it to me in the snow…we could make snow angels, build snowmen, have a snowball fight, and then cuddle with hot chocolate and..yeah i’m sure you get the picture.

picture frames are always cute ideas…maybe instead of just one, give me a bunch, or a big frame with a lot of room for pictures and fill them all with goofy and cute pictures of me and you and maybe me, you, and our friends. that would be amazing..

‘there’s a rose for each moment i thought of you’ steal a line from sweet home alabama and maybe write a note or even just a word that reminds you of me or us on a slip of paper and put them all in a jar, to be read when i need encouragement.

give me a gift on mt. washington. or any romantic place. taking me there is half the work already done because i’m already in a good mood!

take me dancing. maybe clear everyone out of the house or apartment for a few hours and decorate. make the place feel like christmas. put on music and we could dance. and laugh and tackle each other and fall on the floor laughing hysterically. then we could curl up and watch a movie, and talk during the whole thing and make each other laugh and then, of course, go out and play in the snow.

long distance keeping us apart? maybe write me a little something every day and make each thing special…maybe a quote or a song or something…maybe get our friends in on it to?

ok i think i’ve run out of cute ideas. I can’t testify for all girls, but these would all warm my heart on the holidays! so try ‘em!

‘Bring your whole self to everything you do and you’ll never leave feeling like you didn’t do your best.’

in a still verdictless life, am i living it right?