Instead of studying for my Mass Media midterm, I am writing. SO WHAT? If you read my last blog, you know that I’m not so perfect alll the time and really, I’m not perfect at all.

My topic of choice today is horoscopes….in my project to find out more about myself, I am starting with looking to the stars. (No laughing)

My horoscope, thanks to the 17 Magazine Website:

Your Best Color: Yellow
Your Sign Sister: Charlize Theron
Your Best Friend: Equally brave Aries
Your Perfect Match: Cool, yet appreciative, Aquarius

A natural leader, you always seem to be headed in the right direction (and get people psyched to follow you there)! Your confidence and dramatic talents set you apart from the crowd. When you indulge in your love of performing, some people may think you’re showing off. If they take the time to get to know you, they’ll find out that what you really want–to help them bring out the best of their talents and abilities.

Your strengths: Politics and entertainment are two career paths you should explore. You also have an interest in fashion and beauty. With your enthusiasm, you’d enjoy make a successful teacher, publicist, or personal coach.

Your relationships: Your loyalty is legendary, but you don’t award your devotion unless it’s well deserved. Those who are lucky enough to have you as a friend or girlfriend realize that as long as they keep telling you how well you do and how good you look, you’ll smother them in affection.

Okay, well I do think this describes me pretty well. Any comments/suggestions, I’m completely open.

I sincerely promise the next blog will be about something more general. For now though, you are just gonna have to deal with learning more about me.

Never in my life have I had to go through a harder situation than I am going through now. I hurt someone more than I thought was possible, probably more than one person too. I did it. I am a cheater and this is my therapy. Welcome to my sucky life. Sure, I try to be an optomist. But don’t hate me for being a real person too. I am a horrible person sometimes. Why? There is a multitude of reasons that I’m not going to be okay with so I’m not going to list them now. A 4.0, a valedictorian, a University Ambassador, ritual chair of Alpha Gamma Delta, President of Phi Eta Sigma, Secretary of the Honors Program, scholarship winner, Writing Center Consultant, published writer…..that is all miniscule compared to the people in your life. I’m done burning bridges for people that don’t care. I’m done trying to pretend like my life is perfect or even anywhere close. I’m allowed to cry if I want to. I’m allowed to not be friendly all the time and I know the people that truly care about me will always be there, in some way, if I need them. I’ll be the first to admit I need people in my life, but I’m not going let anyone think I need attention. I don’t use people, even though I know that it feels like to be used. I pray that God just lets him know I’m sorry. That will never be enough, but it’s something. I’m going to be a better person the next time he sees me. I’m going to be a whole and complete me. I’m going to be the me that I have kept hidden from a lot of the world a lot of the time because it’s okay to not be happy all the time. I will not let life pass me by though. I am making a vow, as I have always made it, that I will do what makes me happy and live my life to the complete fullest. Moving on this time will be equally hard because I know that I ended it, I did the damage. I can’t play the wounded card. I can’t pretend that it’s not my fault. But it’s time to grow up. I am a sophomore, almost 20 years old. It’s time for me to love myself. Waayyy past time. And when I do, fully and completely, I will find someone that loves me just the same, that will walk by my side, not in front or behind. I’ve now had two real loves in my life and that is something that people go their entire lives without realizing. I will not pass up an opportunity like that again and when I feel it, everyone is going to know. I wish the timing with both guys would have been different, but God plans your life for you and well I just had to adapt to mine. But I know that there is someone out there for me, that will accept me faults and all, and I will love him back, with my entire heart and soul and we will go to church together, and read together, and travel and make friends, and have fun. Do everything that WE want to do, because we will both want to do everything. i’m not going to settle for second best, when I’m ready to have another relationship. Until then, I need all the friends I can get, but there is a line that no one will cross right now. And you know what, I know the right person will wait for me, for as long as I need to be waited for. There will be no rushing, but, if for some miracle, you (my guy) are reading this right now, I want you to know that I care about you more than you will ever know and I have waited my entire life for you, for the person you are when you get out of the shower, for the person you are when you’re laughing so hard you cry or so angry all you can do is shake your head and give me a hug so that I lose myself in your arms. Know that I have made my mistakes, but that I’m stronger because of it. KNow that I sometimes feel alone, but I have God and I know that I never am. Know that you are my world and my partner, my best friend and my complete savior. You are my soul mate and when I am supposed to find you, I will. I will not expect anything from you, nor you from me. We will work through the rough spots of life together, riding the ways, standing on surf boards, appreciating each other, life, and the person that put us on this planet, destined to find each other. And if you happen to either 1. hate me right now 2. be with someone else, take your time, I’m not ready for this yet. But some day, I will be more mature, more ready, and more open to everything you can offer. And you know what, I will trust you so much I will be willing to give my entire self away-for you. When I can do that, I will know you are the one and my only hope is that you will feel the same way.

God, Grant me the serentity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.

Ah, serenity. I can’t seem to find any these days, but I think that is what God intended. He intended for me to become a little lost so I could pick myself up and continue on the path he wants me to follow. God has a plan and I’m in it. That makes me smile, knowing that I am a part of someone’s plan. And not just anyone, but someone that knows and appreciates me in a way that no one else is ever going to be able to do. So, thanks God.

If religion scares you, that’s a good thing. I don’t remember having mentioned my beliefs in God throughout my entire blog, so i figured today was a great time to start. I believe in God, the Father Almighty, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. I believe that his son Jesus died to save me, even though I am a sinner. That is why every day, I strive to do a little good for someone, in the hopes that I am doing what Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit put me on this earth to do.

I’m at a crossroads in my life. (sorry for the cliche) I’m not sure where I’m headed; I’m looking at an open road before me and I don’t know how fast to go or what little side street to turn off at. Thanks to some loyal supporters, I know I’m going to make it to wherever I’m headed, but that doesn’t really make the actual journey that much easier. That being said, expect the next few blogs to be somewhat chaotic; don’t panic-because I’m not. Eventually, I hope to turn into a much better writer and person through all of this and I guess that makes everything worth it.

I’ve picked up a new passion recently. Environmental Issues. I’m not a tree hugger, by any means, but for a lack of better terms, I just hate stupidity. I despise wasted resources that might end up causing the death of a few million species in a matter of generations. So RECYCLE! Seriously. It’s not gonna kill you to be a little more conscious of your wasting habits. And it’ll even save you money…though not on your car insurance.

My other recently developed passion is Grey’s Anatomy. I could watch that show for days. In fact, I did watch it for almost entire day one time…haha If you don’t watch it, you should. The only negative result of me watching it is that it makes me want to become a surgeon, which I couldn’t handle, but I think it would be amazing.

I’m now taking the time to apologize for the lack of coherent thought found in this post. On the bright side, I’m going to start writing every day, so keep checking back if 1. you like what you read 2. you care about my life 3. you’re just plain bored and the bumper sticker application on facebook isn’t working (again)