Sometimes life’s little adventures are about the journey you take to get somewhere. But sometimes, they are all about the destination, the place of serenity and hope, where you end up after a tumultous 8 months of more emotion and feeling than you would have ever thought. As a wise person once told me, one that I am so proud to consider one of my great friends, God does not give you the people you want in your life, he gives you the people that will shape you into the person you want to be. (That isn’t exactly right, so don’t quote me.)
In my case, the destination is not where I thought it would be at first, but a place where I now feel the most comfortable. I can honestly say this is a completely new place for me, but it is so welcoming and familiar and wonderful that I can testify I am more than thrilled to be here.
This whole sophomore year of college thing passed in a blissful mess of meetings, classes, almost all-nighters, movies, walks, dancing, pizza, and more memories with more wonderful people than I could have hoped for. It’s hard for me now to consider myself a junior, because that means I am one step closer to becoming a ‘big kid’ and having to make some decisions about my life. I have to admit though that I am welcoming my newfound freedom of choice. I am excited to be a teacher and finally explore the world outside of Pennsylvania. I know other places exist, I’m just sure of it! And I have all these wild, crazy plans that I know will come true in one form or another. It’s just weird for me to think that college is halfway over….more on that later.
I’d like to leave all of my readers…maybe there are 4 of you?! with some of my thoughts. I would say ‘words of wisdom’, but that is too cliche and not even remotely true. In this past year, I have learned to trust my own instincts and follow my own heart. I have learned that you really can’t please everyone and life is all about having fun. If people love you, they will come back to you, even if it’s not in the way you want/expect. You can’t control how other people feel about you. You can only control how you feel about yourself and your environment. If you want something to happen, you have to make it happen. Sure, the people that care most about you will pick up the pieces of you when you fall, but ultimately that responsibility lies on you. It’s scary, but it’s truth and life and beauty and all those wonderful abstract concepts we try so hard to physically define. Life is a learning experience, a wild, crazy ride on a spinning top or a bouncy ball, or on the wings of a butterfly. My life is anyways. Because I want it to be. I want my life to be sunshine and rainbows and made up of a ton of itsy bitsy pieces of everything that is me. And you know what, after a year of wrestling with this idea, I LOVE ME. I’ll admit that I do still care if other people do too, but I know that I do love myself. Jewel’s new song has inspired me in all of this. She says, ‘I’m gonna love myself more than anyone else and believe in me, even though some can’t see the stronger woman in me.’ I am strong and I want to be where I’m at (and for those that know me, everywhere else too). I want to be a writer and some day that is going to happen to me.
Thanks for everything you guys have helped me with. It’s really more than I could ever, ever say.