December 18, 2007
A fitting title for this post would be breaks. Up until this point in my ‘semi-adult’ life, I have been exposed to a multitude of breaks. Breaks that cause crevices in the ground so deep that entire lives change because of them. And now, I am on a break. A break from living my own life, a break from the good ol’ Gannon University, a place in Erie where I have established a life of my own. Now, here in Pittsburgh, a city I love so dearly, I live in a past life. When I come home after a month or so away, I always feel as if I never come back the same person I was before I left. Going home rejuvinates (sp?) me, and being at Gannon stretches me as a person. So when I come home, I always get that feeling of relaxation. Being home gives me time to think. About my future, about my life, my goals, my purpose, my passions. It’s not easy, thinking about all this deep stuff, but it comes with my territory. I think it’s in my nature, something about me always wants to pry off the surface of any event, or person for that matter, and fish for the deeper meaning underneath.
In any event, I’m reading a great young adult book now, called the Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. I love this story. It’s made me cry once already and I’m not even halfway through yet. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to read a story about another culture. It’s brilliant really.
So far, on this break, I have seen almost all of my best friends, some family members, and did a lot of thinking. I can’t complain. In the days to come, there will be get togethers, a concert or two, long hours spent at American Eagle, and hopefully some writing here and there. And oh yes, some thinking. I have a funny feeling that next time I come home from break, I really will be slightly different. I know that when I return to Gannon, my life will not be the same as when I left it. What with Carrie gone and everything else, nothing will be the same, and that is okay with me. Really, it’s okay.
I needed this break more than I needed any of the others I’ve had so far. I’m just hoping that I’m not going to be the one breaking apart this time.
Oh, and if you have a secret that is threatening to burst from you, you can post it at postsecret.com. It’s a great little site, started as a community art project in the form of a blog just like this one. Check it out.
December 6, 2007
Christmas Gift Ideas, Birthdays, and more Randomness on a Wednesday Night
So I’m not going to bed right now, even though I should because I have a massive headache 😦 I have had a lot on my mind lately so I’m going to spill my guys in cyberspace and not care two cents about it. I apologize in advance for a lack of coherence and also for the lack of literary quality. This piece is venting, pure and simple. I don’t care how many cliches or ‘to be’ verbs I include. I want to feel better.
1. December 5th, 1914: The day my Great-Grandma was born. December 5, 2007: Her second birthday in heaven. I’m sure she’s eating her homemade rice crispy treats with my great-grandfather and relaxing after seeing all of her family. Images like that make me so excited for heaven. Last year today I was at the goo goo dolls concert, crying and having the time of my life. this year, i’m just taking it easy and praying a lot, taking time to myself, and reflecting. Life calls for that every now and again. Gosh, I miss her though. Her laugh and her smile, a smile that could take your breath away and turn the coldest heart into a loving one. She used to say ‘hola abuela’ and giggle like a little girl. Building her puzzles and baking kept her pretty busy during the day and so did making those crafts she made. I remember going over on Saturdays, playing cards, building puzzles, eating peanut butter and jelly on crackers with milk out of those pink plastic cups on her seasonal plastic table cloths. the container with all the candy and cookies in it, that stove, her chair where she would always sit, and one for me, gram, and alicia too. the yellow and white tiny tiled floor, and that cellar which was always scary. the blue bathroom with the knicknacks. the hallway with the tools…upstairs her old bedroom, the sweeper, aunt libby’s room, so cute, the living room. christmas, her rocking chair, those glass figurines (the only mementos i have of her) all of those games, played with kayla and alicia, adam, and nate, aunt libby’s rocking chair, so much, so much beauty and history, memories and those little moments that make you choke up. She was my granny. My favorite. My only one. She’s wear I get my smile from and I wear for her, always.
2. Christmas gift Ideas! With no boyfriend to expect great homemade gifts from, I thought it might be fun to just brainstorm a list of them and maybe make them for my friends or tell them to my guy friends to impress their special girl.
hmm….
well, one of my favorite things to do is wear guys clothes. So give me some of your stuff, you know, a shirt sprayed with your cologne that you wear all the time. Wrap a pretty ring up inside it and give it to me in the snow…we could make snow angels, build snowmen, have a snowball fight, and then cuddle with hot chocolate and..yeah i’m sure you get the picture.
picture frames are always cute ideas…maybe instead of just one, give me a bunch, or a big frame with a lot of room for pictures and fill them all with goofy and cute pictures of me and you and maybe me, you, and our friends. that would be amazing..
‘there’s a rose for each moment i thought of you’ steal a line from sweet home alabama and maybe write a note or even just a word that reminds you of me or us on a slip of paper and put them all in a jar, to be read when i need encouragement.
give me a gift on mt. washington. or any romantic place. taking me there is half the work already done because i’m already in a good mood!
take me dancing. maybe clear everyone out of the house or apartment for a few hours and decorate. make the place feel like christmas. put on music and we could dance. and laugh and tackle each other and fall on the floor laughing hysterically. then we could curl up and watch a movie, and talk during the whole thing and make each other laugh and then, of course, go out and play in the snow.
long distance keeping us apart? maybe write me a little something every day and make each thing special…maybe a quote or a song or something…maybe get our friends in on it to?
ok i think i’ve run out of cute ideas. I can’t testify for all girls, but these would all warm my heart on the holidays! so try ’em!
‘Bring your whole self to everything you do and you’ll never leave feeling like you didn’t do your best.’
in a still verdictless life, am i living it right?
December 4, 2007
I wear the letters and I call the shots
It’s nice to know people read my blog 🙂 Especially because they are some of my very best friends. This is the shout out to all of you who do find your way into my writing and STILL read, even when you’ve realized it is my writing. Snaps to you because that’s pretty much exactly what a ‘writer’ wants to hear.
So my life has taken a few surprising twists lately so I’ll give a quick update and then move on to worldly issues. So I now wear AGD letters and I am proud to call 30+ new girls my sisters! (Alicia, you are the best by far though) But I love these girls, especially my personal SAS ones, aka the FPC ’07. I feel like they are truly some of my best friends here at Gannon. The whole experience has been both fun and challenging and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Tomorrow is my last day at Cathedral Prep High School. I’ll miss those boys. The experience is one I don’t think I’ll ever forget. I didn’t get what I thought I would out of it, but I learned a lot. I learned what not to do and what work Subs have to do just to keep the class moving. Interacting with the faculty and students was my favorite part of the day and I guess that’s why I want to become a teacher. Isn’t it nice how everything just worked out?
And those surprising turns I mentioned earlier? They are a little too personal to mention here, but I will say that I am staying single for a while. For a loong while. If I don’t have my whole heart, how can I give it to anyone else?
Eh, life goes on I guess. For now, I just keep writing and living and waiting for finals to be over. I need a change of atmosphere now more than ever.
And now……some impersonal stuff.
Does it bother you that America seems so out of touch with reality politically? Oh, you know, the almost now cliched
‘That doesn’t relate to my life!’ Well, it does. I find myself becoming to upset about how some people around me just don’t seem to care at all. When the subject does get brought up, it’s almost shut down before it begins. And I know that I am somewhat guilty of this. I do not know as much as I should know, but I do realize the benefit in knowing what goes on in this country. Did you know that during World War II the Germans dropped missiles that were shaped like balls and kids would touch them and get their arms blown off? Yeah think that’s bad? What if I told you America is doing the same thing right now to kids in Afghanistan? Wait…not exactly the same. We drop yellow balls. That just makes me sick. I haven’t checked my sources and I’ll admit I heard this from a professor just yesterday, but I think he knows what he’s talking about. Issues like this just blow my mind. How does our government get away with crimes like that? Why do we let them?
Wondering Eyes Forever Gleaming 